Thursday, May 31, 2007
Think It Over
I just read a great blog by Crystal about how life's responsibilities became too much, and she finally had to excuse herself from several responsibilities she was carrying. I would like to pose a question and get your thoughts - Why do we (women especially) expect ourselves to be able to "do it all?" Why are we so reticent to say, "No, I won't be able to take that responsibility, thank you." What do you think? I'd really like to know!
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I think that I have always been an achiever and I like to give 100% to everything. When I can only give 80% it bothers me. A little while ago nothing was getting more than 50% and I was on a spiral I recognized would do me great harm. I realized that I have to recognize the worth of even 10%. When I wrote the blog I actually was soooo relieved to see Jesse's response of Good for you!!! It was great to hear comments like that helping me realize saying no to some things is good and healthy. To be honest with you I thought it would be the other way around for some reason. That people would be so dissapointed with me and never ask me to help again. It didn't happen and I am feeling hopeful again. I just have to figure out how fast is too fast when the scripture says that we cannot run faster than we have strength. Also, slow is interesting because you tend to see more around you. It is just not a speed I am used to going at.
Well, for one thing, I don't know exactly what is too much or too little. Sometimes I don't want to do things just because I am a little lazy and in those times, I need to get my rear in gear and just do it. There are times when it is great to push myself - I grow during those times. I then find out what I am capable of. Then there are the other times, when it isn't healthy to take on so much. So my big question is - when do I push myself and when do I say no. How will I know what I should do? So that is where I second guess myself. Does that make sense to you?
I gave up a long time ago trying to do it "all", but I still struggle wondering if what I do is "enough". Maybe women are particularly prone to this questioning because we typically receive little validation for our efforts. Men are out in the world and have raises, promotions, reviews, and awards to tell them how they are doing. We don't get that, and in trying to search for validation within ourselves we second guess and stress. We're also prone to comparing ourselves to others, and when we see others excelling in areas we may be weak it strikes hard.
I have always envyed women you just go and go and go and get so much done with endless energy. I am quite content to do what I feel needs done and if it's not perfect so be it. I have learned that I am useless when I over program my self. I have learned where my limits are and it is so freeing to not feel guilty for what I cannot accomplish and I am finally!!!(age 60) truly not caring what most people think about me or my family I know my Heavenly Father knows my true intent. on the other hand,
I did relate well with Audra's comment and pushing myself when it just seems too easy not too. It's all a balancing act and we each can balance ourselves and thankgoodness no one else. ELAINE
All very well said! I have recently decided that it's okay to say "no" when I feel like I have too much on my plate. I remember one time in particular I said no to something, it felt liberating. It was something so minor and insignificant but if I would have done it, it would have put me over my limit for that day. It is hard to find the balance without the guilt. Hopefully this makes sense.
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